Mortui Sumus Peccato
by thebookhobbit
Summary: He starts out, quite unfairly, trying to fix her. But things get a little complicated along the way. John/Masako, pre-het. Updated weekly.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks to Blue-Starlight92 for the beta-read. Would never have finished this without you! 3

* * *

It started out innocently enough.

Actually, John would say it started out quite Christian in intent. Going with Masako to the hospital was merely an impulse to do good. To help. To show, as it were, God's love. He does try to do that as much as he can. As far as he's aware, none of the team are closely affiliated with any other Christians. It's up to him to give them a positive experience rather than chasing them away from the faith. Besides, he's always tried to be nice to people. He just can't stand the thought of hurting someone.

But... Well.

It was the school haunting case – not the first time Masako had ended up in trouble, but not the last, either. He does worry about her. Spirits seem to target her so often, perhaps because she's a medium, but regardless of the reason it often leads to physical danger. How had he ended up in the ambulance? It seemed to happen by unspoken agreement. Get John, he knows how to comfort people, it's part of his job. Which is true, to a certain extent, and so he was silently elected.

He's a priest, which means he's supposed to be immune to feminine charms. And he's a human, which means he's fallible. He can't be perfect and, in fact, he's never tried to be. He just wants to be the best he can.

But...there's something about Masako. He can't articulate it. On the surface there isn't anything much to draw him in. She's not of his faith, and she's not immediately obvious as a kind and caring person. She's admittedly extremely pretty and a celebrity besides, but pretty girls are everywhere and celebrity holds no fascination for John

He thinks maybe it's her hidden vulnerabilities that really draw him to her. Masako has a strong personality; she always seems sure of herself and her abilities, positive of what she wants; ambitious and unafraid to take any path to fulfilling those ambitions. And yet, she's not brash about it. Instead, she is demure and feminine, speaking rarely, precociously mature and dolllike at once.

There's a certain appeal to that, of course, but that's not what gets him. Because underneath her velvet-wrapped-steel persona, she's scared. Masako is more a normal teenaged girl, more prone to the same fears and jealousies and joys, than anyone but him seems to pick up on. That's why she snipes at Mai even though they should really get along given all they have in common. John thinks she's probably jealous of Mai's position in the group: everyone's little sister. Masako wants to be fawned over the way Mai is but can't seem to warm up.

And then there's Kazuya. John's not oblivious; he's seen the way Masako looks at Kazuya.

She's extremely fond of him, no doubt. Meanwhile, Mai's known him longer and seems to have more of a connection with him, although John's not sure why. Certainly it's true that while Masako is Miss Hara, Mai is _Mai_.

Sometimes, deep in the bits of his heart most given over to sinful nature, John thinks Kazuya doesn't deserve Masako. It's uncharitable and selfish, but he really can't help it. Not in light of what he'd learned at the hospital.

...by the time they'd gotten there she'd been awake, but the doctors wanted to hold her for observation.

"I'll keep you company," John says cheerfully. "It's not fun, being alone in an unfamiliar place."

"Thank you," said Masako, and turns politely towards the wall with the air of one who has had a disappointment. John feels a little stung by this, but doesn't let it get to him, sure she has a good reason.

"Is something wrong?" he asks. Masako turns back and almost snaps, "I fell down a flight of stairs and might have a concussion, remember?"

He shakes his head. "Not what I meant."

She sighs, and shakes her head. "Never mind. I'm sorry. It was kind of you to stay with me."

"But?"

Masako raises an eyebrow. "Are you a therapist as well as a priest?" she says, but with less than average coldness in her voice.

"It sort of goes with the job."

She sighs. "It's not important."

"You're in the hospital and we have nothing else to do," he says. "Maybe it'll make you feel better."

"You won't tell anyone?"

He puts a hand over his heart and assumes his most sincere expression. "I promise. Complete confidentiality."

Masako glances at him, then looks away and begins: "I know he's busy. And I know he has to supervise the scene. It's just..."

"Kazuya?"

"Yes."

"You wish he was here instead of me."

A shrug. "I do appreciate your coming along. But, I can't help thinking if it were Mai, he would have gone with her." She looks down at her hands. "I think he hates me."

"I'm sure that's not true," John begins, but she waves a hand.

"You don't have to try to make me feel better," she says. "He's so formal around me. At the very least he's not as comfortable around me as he is around Mai."

"Well, she is his subordinate. He might be less certain of his authority in regards to you."

Masako snorts. "Is Naru ever uncertain of his authority?"

And this is a good point. It's not that John dislikes Kazuya. He tries not to outright dislike anyone he sees on a regular basis. But Kazuya is a little high-handed, sometimes. There must be a lot of things hidden behind that mask of his: John is sure self-doubt isn't one of them. But saying so won't do any good, so he keeps silent.

She shakes her head, and lays back down. "I'm sorry. It was very silly of me to speak up. You may go now."

"No, it's not," John protests. "It's not such an unusual feeling. I mean, you care about him, it's natural you would want him to be there for you even when – " He almost says 'even when he doesn't feel the same way' but realizes that would be cruel, so instead, he changes to " – when it's not strictly practical."

"Well, thank you." But she's shut down now; he can see it in her stance. So he nods at her and says to call him if she needs anything, and leaves.

He promises himself he'll revisit this subject with her sometime later.

* * *

Okay, confession time. I don't actually technically ship this pairing, although I do like it. But Blue-Starlight92 and I had discussed the fact that most John pairings do not focus much on his profession, treating it as an issue to be handwaved rather than the focus of the fics. And we both wanted to do something that kind of dealt with that more. So I agreed to do John/Masako and she is doing John/Mai and here's mine.

Hope you enjoy?


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the conversation takes place over the course of a taxicab ride. John and Masako live close to each other, so they usually take one cab to a case when possible. Cheaper, more convenient, and rarely awkward, because neither of them feels the need to make conversation when there's nothing to say.

This time, though, John wants to bring the subject of Kazuya back up. He thinks there's probably more she would like to say, if her reservations come down. But that may take time.

So he just says, "How are you doing?" She looks at him a little oddly, a natural reaction considering that they have never thus far made small talk on the cab ride, and also there's the fact that he asked her when they met to get in.

"Fine," she replies, raising an eyebrow. "And yourself?"

"I'm quite well, thank you."

The conversation lapses into silence. John racks his brains. He's had training for counseling and, indeed, assisted on a case or two. But that was in an explicitly clerical setting. He doesn't know how to start this conversation with a non-Christian friend.

"Umm... God has laid a burden upon my heart," he begins.

Masako's face quirks into a small smile. She doesn't say, very loudly doesn't say, "Sounds like a personal problem." The volume she's not saying it at is deafening. Instead, she simply murmurs, "Has he?"

"For you," he continues, aware this is not going well. He's never asked her views on religion - a mistake, perhaps. But now is not the time.

Masako says, "Are you trying to convince me to commit my life to a higher power, John?"

"Would you like me to?"

This gets another small smile. "Not just at the moment. I'm still trying to decide if I believe in one."

"I can help with that, too."

"I appreciate that, but somehow I don't think you wanted to talk about theology."

"No. I was wondering how you were doing with..." He wasn't sure how to put it. "The Kazuya situation."

Shrugging, she says, "There isn't a situation to speak of. I don't know why you keep bringing it up."

Well, no, he's not sure either. So he says, "If you're not comfortable discussing your feelings, we don't need to do so. But didn't it help, at the hospital?"

"Yes," she admits.

"You keep things bottled up too much, I think," he says. "It's not good. Is there no one you can talk to?"

Masako shrugs. "Not really. I'm a celebrity. Most people wanting to talk to me are after something. Money. Fame. Thrills. A story."

Having never considered this angle, he's a little shocked. Masako is really only famous in Japan; before coming here, he'd never heard of her. So he forgets, quite often, that she _is_ famous.

"If it helps," he says, "I'm not after anything much. I just want to help you."

"Why?"

Why indeed? John has never considered his motivations. He's naturally a helpful person, or tries to be. "Well," he says, "It's not only you. It's part of my job to help people."

"So I'm just another broken person for you to fix." Her tone is distinctly sarcastic. "No one special."

"That's not true at all. Everyone is special. That's why they deserve to have someone to talk to. But, Masako, you're something different. You need a willing ear. A..." He fumbles for the right word.

"Father confessor?"

He smiles. "Maybe. Surely our paths crossed for a reason."

"I told you before I wasn't sure if I believe in a higher power."

"Well, I do," John says, and sits back. If she wants to talk, she will.

The conversation did make him realize something important, though. He is trying to fix her. He's not sure that's fair, especially as she's never asked him for help. But there seems to be some innate need in him to mend disjointed things, heal spiritual wounds. And Masako, though maybe not broken, is definitely wounded.

He hates seeing people in pain.

It's about fifteen minutes before Masako speaks, and by that time, John is lost in thought. So he almost doesn't hear her when she says, "It's not what you're thinking."

"Hmm?" He snaps back to the present. "What isn't?"

"My relationship with Naru."

"I don't think anything," John says. "Please tell me."

"You know we've been on dates," she begins. John nods, remembering the aftermath of the park ghost case. Actually, it hadn't been too bad. Ayako had indeed paid for everything and, anyway, it had been nice getting a little more insight into her character.

Masako continues: "What do the others think of that?"

John squirms. He doesn't like to lie, but... "Nothing much...it's your business what you do," he hedges.

"That's not what they think."

"Well...Ayako did suggest you had some dirt on Naru. But I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Did you believe her?"

"No! I thought maybe the two of you might have, well, a patronage together, but here, that word apparently means something other than what I think it means." He hasn't dared look it up. The others' faces told him it is something pretty embarrassing, and John isn't good at dealing with being embarrassed.

"What did you think it means?"

"Someone who provides money for art or research."

"Oh. A sponsor."

"Yes, I suppose so."

"Well, you were wrong," Masako says.

"Oh, then is he your boyfriend..?" Unaccountably, he's disappointed. This is the first, but not the last, time he ever thinks of Kazuya as unworthy of Masako. Her heart is so fragile that one rude comment or insult from Kazuya, whom she holds in such high regard, could really hurt her.

Whereas with Mai, even a flurry of insults are like water off a duck's back. She gives as good as she gets.

"He's not my boyfriend, either," Masako says, shrugging. "Ayako's idle speculation was right. For once."

"You're blackmailing him?" Talk about being a father confessor. He hadn't been expecting anything this serious so shortly into their conversation.

"Not precisely. I'm not extorting money or modifying his behavior in any significant way."

_Significant_, he notes, and wonders how many of Masako's take-this-case-as-a-favor-to-me's had, in fact, been favors. It probably doesn't matter because people were helped, but...

"The point is," Masako says, perhaps reading his expression, "I do know something about Naru he'd rather keep private. I can't tell you what it is - "

"Of course not."

"-but I think perhaps he resents me for it."

That does sound like Kazuya, John has to admit. He's exactly the kind of person to resent anyone with superior knowledge, although he probably wouldn't show it. The fact that Masako has picked it up is testament to how much she wants his good opinion.

"Well," John says diplomatically, "Have you told him you have no intention of using this information against him? Or revealing it to anyone?"

"Yes. I don't think it matters, though." Her face briefly crumples into sadness, but she regains her composure quickly, and dabs at the corners of her eyes quickly. "I'm quite resigned to being hated."

After a moment's quick calculation about her reaction, he reaches over and pats her hand. Surprise flicks across her face, disturbing her usual serene mask for a moment, but he doesn't let his fingers linger the way they seem to want to. That would be entirely unprofessional, not to say badly received. No, it's a quick, brotherly pat, and it does seem to reassure her.

"I don't hate you," he tells her. She smiles a wavering smile, and they ride the rest of the way in silence.

At the location, after they've paid the taxi and it's gone, Masako turns to him and smiles mischievously. He's never seen her with such an expression, and his treacherous stomach flip-flops for some incomprehensible reason.

"I've enjoyed our little therapy session," she says.

"Any time you need me," he responds, "I'm available."

"I might just take you up on that." Masako hesitates. "At the hospital you promised..."

"The confidentiality agreement still stands, and will do so with anything you choose to tell me when we're alone together unless you actually say otherwise," he says. "I promise."

"Thank you." And with that, she moves off towards the building.

John is glad he's found an opening, after all. But a tiny, tiny part of him is afraid of where it will lead.

He doesn't know why, but he can still remember the feeling of her hand.

* * *

Darn near forgot to put this up. This is the problem with regular updates. I forget to do them. I swear, I have this whole thing written out, but I don't want to swamp every one.


	3. Chapter 3

It seems like, since their talk, John's running into Masako more lately. Though they live close to each other, he's never really seen her around the neighborhood, bur now he'll run into her at the movies or on the subway. Or, as in this case, at the grocery store. The coincidental timing strengthens his belief God threw them together for a reason.

He is just finished checking out, having gone for only a few essentials, when he sees her buried under a pile of grocery bags. At first he doesn't recognize her – not because of the groceries, but because she's wearing street clothes rather than kimono. It somehow makes her look less like a doll.

"Masako," he says, waving uncertainly. He's not sure she'll be able to see with so many parcels. But she turns, recognizes him, and smiles. It's a very sweet smile, not veiled in any way. Makes her look very pretty. He thinks about telling her she should smile like that more often, but then, would Kazuya even notice? Anyway, it's none of his business. So instead he says, "Fancy meeting you here."

"Indeed," she says. "How unusual."

"Are you here with your parents?" He's always wondered what Masako's parents were like. Perhaps this is a chance to find out.

"No, they sent me on my own. They often do. I'm very familiar with the route."

"And you have to walk home?"

"It's not far."

He shakes his head. "You shouldn't carry all that yourself," he says. "You'll trip. You can hardly see. Let me help you, please."

"I couldn't possibly," says Masako, which is what he expected.

"I insist," he says. "It's not very far and, besides, I haven't got much to carry myself." He shakes his small bag for emphasis.

Masako bites her lip. "I wouldn't want to impose."

"You wouldn't be. I want to, really."

Masako is clearly weakening. He can see it in her posture. "All right," she says. "If you're absolutely positive I'm not going to be a bother."

"You couldn't be a bother if you tried," he assures her, and a ghost of that small smile appears on her face once again. But it turns mischievous, and she says, "You may be underestimating my capabilities."

He laughs. "I'm sure I don't want to test you. All right, maybe if you tried, but certainly not accidentally."

She presses her lips together. "I'm sure Naru doesn't feel that way."

John is hit over the head by this reminder of Kazuya's presence between them. He realizes he's been trying to avoid thinking about that situation, and isn't sure why. That sort of thing is happening a lot lately, and it's more than a little disturbing. But he shouldn't be avoiding the topic, so he presses on.

"What is it about Kazuya you're so attracted to?" he asks, with a casualness he doesn't feel. It seems important, although he can't pinpoint why.

For a second, though, he doesn't think she's going to answer. She tilts her head and appears to think and, finally, speaks.

"I'm not sure," Masako says. "He's very intelligent and well-read. He's quite extremely informed on the subject of parapsychology. He also seems very rational, which I find attractive." She begins to blush again, and covers her mouth with her sleeve. "And he's tall and very good-looking."

John considers his own five feet four inches and tries not to take this to heart. Suddenly tired of the subject, he asks, "How is your work going?"

Masako seems to light up just a bit, as if someone has turned on an internal switch that hasn't been touched for a long time. "It's going well," she says. "The entire reason I agreed to do a television show was of course to educated the people about psychic phenomena, and it seems to be working."

"That's good." He's not sure if she's telling the truth about her motives, although probably she thinks she is, but he's not quite ready to get into that yet, so he lets it pass. "I've seen your program once or twice. It's very good."

"Of course, you hardly need to be educated about psychic phenomena," she says nonchalantly, but aside from the tone it's the sort of compliment she'd give Naru, and he blinks several times before answering.

"It's kind of you to say," he replies.

"No, it's merely fact. Anyway, it's not important." She lowers her eyes demurely and hides her mouth behind her sleeve, but he would swear she's blushing. Embarrassed to be caught complimenting a friend? She has walls a mile high. It's a good thing he's getting to know her. He might well have been instantly shut out. He decides God is working on her heart, and feels happy for her.

It really isn't a long walk to her house, or rather her apartment. He can never get used to this thing about the city: no-one seems to have a house. He doesn't himself, but he's a young bachelor in an unfamiliar country. He wouldn't expect to. Of course Masako, being a celebrity, probably travels a lot...

Masako has stairs leading to her door. Steep ones. She says, "I can take it from here," but he's not sure he likes this plan.

"You could fall and break your neck," he points out.

"I'll be fine. I've done this before."

"That's no reason to take additional risks."

"You're worse than my mother." She tosses her hair impatiently, but lets him help her.

At her door, she sets down her bags. "I really can take it from here. I hope you trust me to get through my own doorway, at least." It's the kind of thing she would say to Ayako or Mai in a condescending tone, but here, her voice is light, almost teasing.

"All right." He'd been hoping yo see the inside of the apartment, but it would be shockingly rude to actually ask. "Nice running into you," he says.

"Thank you for your help. It was very kind of you."

"No problem. Really. If you ever need help again," he says, "You can always call me."

"Or a counseling session?" she says, peering up at him from below her bangs, apprehensive and vulnerable. It's couched as a joke, but he takes it seriously.

"Of course," he says. "Always."

"Thank you." Masako looks at him for a moment, and he wonders what she's thinking. Perhaps it's best not to speculate. "I'd better get home," he says.

"Ah, of course. I'm so sorry for keeping you."

"Don't be." He smiles at her. "Have a nice day."

"You too."

That night, he does what he promised himself. A very careful self-evaluation.

He concludes that he doesn't like to hear her talk about Naru because it clearly hurts her, and he doesn't like to see her in pain because she's like a sister to him.

He emphasizes this word in his mind, so that the rest of him will get the message. _Sister_. His palms should not sweat when she is around, nor should they itch to touch hers. His spine shouldn't tingle when she speaks, and should his internal organs, any of them, flip-flop when they see her, they will be overruled. Definitely. Because she's his beloved friend, someone he's maybe a bit protective over, and nothing else.

_Absolutely nothing else,_ he tells himself, and turns over to go to sleep.

He dreams about her, but he doesn't remember in the morning.

* * *

My private title for this chapter is "In which John leaves the smooth seas of Obliviousness for the choppy waters of Denial."


	4. Chapter 4

Annd need to do another thank-you to Blue-Starlight92 in case you forgot how great she is for beta-reading this. Also, I didn't update until almost 11pm because of Doctor Who. That's a good excuse.

edit: fixed the doublepost. Thanks Blue-Starlight92 and Catalog Cats for letting me know.

* * *

Their new friendliness, small as it is, doesn't go unnoticed by the others. Once after a case Masako mentions running into him at the store.

"Wow, you guys sure are seeing a lot of each other!" Takigawa remarks, ruffling John's hair. John winces but tries not to show it. Takigawa is so tactile, and it makes him nervous sometimes.

"Not really," John says. "It was just that one time."

"And you carried her bags home?" Ayako says. "What a gentleman. If only I could find a man like that." She glares in the direction of Takigawa, who puts on his air of dignity.

"Now, what are your intentions towards my daughter?" he says.

John can feel himself starting to blush, and vainly attempts to conquer the urge. No luck. He knows Takigawa is just messing with him, that reacting will make it worse, but he can't help it.

"It's nothing like that!" he says, waving his hands in the air.

"You're blushing!" Takigawa reaches over and pretends to pinch John's cheeks, but Masako interrupts him.

"Of course he is," she says scornfully, tossing her hair. "You're being cruel. Stop."

"Ooh, defending your sweetheart?" Takigawa leans over her, grinning. "You two are so cute."

"Cut it out, Monk!" Mai, who has just walked into the room, leans over and slaps Monk playfully upside the head. "Leave them alone."

"Ow! Hey! She hit me, did you see that?" The remark is addressed to John, who mumbles something incoherent, still trying to get his blush under control.

"Seriously, Monk. You're embarrassing everyone." Mai shakes her finger at him. "Be good."

"Fine. Sheesh."

But there are other, more worthy consequences, too. Once, John gets a call in the middle of the night. He flails at the nightstand for a moment, knocks his cell phone to the floor, falls off the bed, and finally retrieves the phone just as it's about to go to voicemail.

"Hello?" he mumbles into the phone.

"John?" It's Masako. He's three-of-coffee awake in an instant. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you at this time of night, but there's a spirit in my house and it's trying to possess me. I've tried cleansing it, and nothing I can do will work. I can't do an exorcism. I can't hold out m-much longer." She pauses, takes a ragged breath. "I don't know what it will do with me. Please. I don't –"

"I'll be right there." He's already stumbling into his shoes and grabbing his supplies, shoving his arms into a coat. No time to get dressed – he'll have to go like this, as unpriestly as an old teeshirt and some flannel pajama pants are.

He spends the whole trip to Masako's, short as it is, praying.

When he gets there he rushes up the stairs and tries the door. Locked. She hadn't unlocked it? Too scared? Already possessed, trying to keep him out? He pounds on it, for once not caring if he's making too much noise.

Nothing happens. He contemplates the practicality of trying to kick it in, but he's unfortunately not built for this sort of thing. So he settles for pounding some more, and calling out her name.

For another couple of minutes nothing happens, and then the door creaks slowly open. Masako peers out at him with wild, terrified eyes. She's clutching the doorframe like it's a lifeline, but even still her fingers are shaking.

"Please," she says. "I can't – it's already – "

John pushes in before anything can take hold of her and close the door on him. He grabs her shoulders and says, "Keep it together. I need to know exactly what's going on. Are you okay?"

Masako unwinds almost visibly, her shoulders relaxing, her eyes going from too-wide to almost normal. Her voice shifts downward in pitch. Too far downward?

"I'm good," she says. For an instant he can't tell. But no, she's definitely possessed, and fighting it like the dickens. Her eyes flicker back and forth from alert to the dullness of the controlled. John's heart drops into his stomach. He has no-one to hold her down, and there's no guarantee that she'll stand still for an exorcism.

"That's good," he says, not releasing his grip on her shoulders." Again, his smallness leaves him at a disadvantage. If he was Takigawa he could pick her up or restrain her easily, but as it is, he will have to resort to wit.

"You can let go," she says. "I'm calm. See?" She smiles at him, a smile that's too wide with too many teeth, and any doubts he may have had are gone.

"Right. Good." And with that, he pushes her to the floor and sits on her, one hand pinning the two of hers to the side.

She struggles, all right. He sincerely hopes her parents don't come in, because it doesn't look good. One-handed, he grabs the holy water, sprinkles it on her, starts the ritual. This is not a dignified position to be in for an exorcism, but it works. There's a considerable period of trying to lean on her arms and recite the prayer at the same time, but she comes back to herself in the end.

"Mmm?" she says.

He jumps up and backwards at the same time, which means he falls over. "I'm so sorry!" he babbles, trying to coordinate his limbs. "I had to keep you from running away. So I could get it out of you."

"I understand. Thank you." She nods at him.

"Um. I'm sorry, but you might have bruises. I had to hold your wrists very tightly."

"It's all right." Masako takes a deep breath. "I can feel that it's gone now. That's worth a little injury."

"Again, I'm really sorry." John gathers up his things. "Are you okay? I should probably go. I don't want your parents to wonder what I'm doing here."

"It doesn't matter. They're not here either."

He looks up from putting a holy water vial into his backpack. "What?"

"They're away on business."

"And they left you alone? For the whole night?"

"For a week, actually. I _am_ seventeen, you know."

"But look what happened! Don't they know the risks of your profession?"

Shrugging, she says, "I've always been fine before."

"And are you now?" He catches her eye, and doesn't look away even when she drops her gaze.

"I'm perfectly fine."

He finishes packing his things. "I suppose I'd better go, then."

"No!" She reaches out and then pulls her hand back like it's been burned. "I mean...if you need to."

"Why? Is something wrong?" His tone is soft, and a deep shudder runs through her.

"It might come back," she says. "I don't want to be alone."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Please. If it's not too much trouble."

"Masako, quit worrying about that," he says, and again risks breaching the bounds of propriety by grabbing her hand for a moment. Why does this always happen around her? But she looks up at him and squeezes, a warmth seems to radiate from the center of his chest outward, and he doesn't care if it's professional or not.

"Thank you," she says.

So they have tea and talk about nothing much, sitting on Masako's couch. The hand in which she holds the cup is still shaking a little, he notices.

"What do your parents do?" he asks, which is the first thing that comes into his head.

"They're business consultants. That's why they travel so much. They used to leave me with a babysitter, but we decided I was old enough to stay by myself." She clutches the teacup to herself and looks at him. "We all decided," she adds. "They didn't just leave me."

"I believe you."

"But you still don't seem happy about it."

"I worry about your well-being."

"More than my parents?"

"I don't know," he says. "It seems like that to me, but I must be wrong. They must be proud of you, and love you very much."

"Yes, well," says Masako, and takes a sip of tea.

"I'm sorry. This is all a bit weird of me." John smiles. "I've just seen a lot of what ghosts can do, and I hate the thought of you being all alone."

"Mai is all alone," she points out. "Mai is an orphan."

"Mai is also never afraid to ask for help when she knows she needs it."

"And you're saying I am? I asked tonight, didn't I?"  
"Only when it got so bad you were unable to do anything else. You could have died, Masako."

She shakes her head. "I don't want to think about this."

"I'm sorry." He really doesn't want to antagonize her, and the conversation seems strange somehow, as if they aren't quite close enough to be having it. He doesn't want to be her dad. He's not old enough, for one thing. "But, please know that if you're ever in this situation again, you can call me, and it would be a good idea to do so before the situation gets so serious."

"Yes. You're right. Thank you," she says, curling her feet up and leaning against the arm of the couch.

She falls asleep like that. He wonders if he should leave, but the spirit could come back. And she looks so peaceful there that he doesn't want to wake her and ask her if she can sense it or not. So instead, he leans against his side's arm, and watches her to make sure there are no further signs of disturbance.

Is this a good thing to do, spending the night at the house of a girl he's not related to and hasn't known long? Offhand, John would say no, but he doesn't leave. She's in need; he's helping her. It's what a friend would do.

Just a friend.

Nothing more.

It's his last thought before falling asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I am late. I'm sorry. Also this is the last chapter. I'd like to thank you all for your support, especially Blue-Starlight92 for all the great beta-reading. Might do a sequel if there's demand. If not, I hope you enjoyed.

* * *

Kazuya is Oliver Davis. Oliver Davis is Kazuya. John is having a hard time wrapping his mind around this concept. It seems completely impossible that this individual he's worked with for over a year is the famous researcher and psychic he's been fascinated by since he got into psychic phenomena. And now he's leaving to go halfway across the world and John will probably never see him again.

Takigawa is having the worst time. He must he horrified that his hero, the man he worships, is _Naru_. A seventeen-year-old boy with no manners and even less patience. It's a little depressing: Naru is younger than any of them, except Mai and Masako.

Actually, despite Takigawa's dramatic dismay, it's Masako John is most worried about. He knows too well how much Masako cares for Naru, even if the feeling isn't reciprocated. The day they found out, he talked to her briefly, and she seemed fine, but she's a great one for concealing her emotions, so a few days after Naru is actually gone, he stops in by her place.

Her parents, unsurprisingly, aren't home, but it doesn't bother him anymore. More than once he's sat up at night with her when she's been haunted by another spirit – he's come to regard it as his duty. So daytime isn't anything to get into a fuss about, either.

She opens the door when he knocks, and looks a little blank, as if worried she's forgotten an appointment.

"Morning," he says. "I was in the area and thought I'd come see you."

"Hello. It's nice to see you." Masako stands aside. "Come in."

"I'm not interrupting anything important, am I?" he says, as he follows her into the apartment.

"Not really. I was just reading a book."

Strangely normal activity for someone who should be heartbroken, but he doesn't say so, obviously. Instead, he sits down on the couch and shakes his head when she asks if he'd like some tea.

"No thanks," he says.

"All right, then," she says. "What are you worrying about?"

His eyes widen. "Why do you think I'm worried about something?"

"Because that's the only time you drop by spontaneously," she explains. "You never actually just pop in to say hi." Masako smiles. "Also, you're not very good at hiding your feelings."

John smiles back at her. "I never have been. All right, you caught me." He holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Am I really that bad?"

"It's not bad." Masako's forehead wrinkles. "It means you care. But sometimes it makes me feel more like your parishioner than your friend."

John isn't sure how to respond to this. The truth is, he consciously avoids being around her alone at her house unless she needs help. It feels more professional, a word that's on his mind a lot around Masako. But he really doesn't want to alienate her, so he says, "I'm sorry. In the future I'll try to be better at that."

"So you are planning on staying?"

"Yes, why?" He tilts his head. "Did someone say I wasn't?"

"No. I suppose I just assumed...well, Naru is the one who brought us all together. It only makes sense that after he leaves, we would fall apart again."

And just like that, resentment flares up in John's mind, even though the conversation is leading right where he wants it to. Should want it to. Needs it to, if he's going to get her to talk. But somehow, that thought is far from his mind as he leans forward and touches her arm.

"Masako," he says, "It doesn't have to be like that. Kazuya may have brought this group together, but he's not the reason we started growing fond of each other. How easy would it have been for us all to drift apart? But instead we became friends, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure we stay that way. I promise."

They stare at each other for several seconds. Then Masako's gaze shifts down to his hand, which is still touching her arm. He yanks it away and feels himself blushing. _Great job_, he tells himself. _You've scared her._

She doesn't run away, though, just smiles faintly.

"I don't believe I've ever seen you so impassioned," she says.

"Sorry."

"No. I like it."

"Oh." He blinks, caught off guard by this turn of events. "Uh," he continues, "I did come here to talk to you about Kazuya, though."

The smile drops off her face. Watching feels a bit like being stabbed in the heart, but a small part of him is pleased that he guessed right.

"What about Naru?" she asks.

"It's just that I wanted to see how you were taking the news, that's all. Of his leaving, and so on."

Masako raises her eyebrows. "I'm flattered that you care, but why should I be taking it any differently from the others?"

"Umm..." Is she going to make him say it? Is this some kind of test? "Your, uh, feelings for him." He waves his hands in the air. "I mean, not that I don't think you can deal with it, I'm sure you're fully capable of handling this sort of thing, but, well, I care about you and I thought you might like someone to talk to..."

She's still staring at him. He trails off, doesn't make eye contact. Has he grossly misjudged the situation? How?

"I gave up on Naru a long time ago," she says.

John's jaw drops.

"But," he says. "But, but..."

"I know you started talking to me like this because you felt sorry for me – " she begins.

"That's not true! Well, not only."

"I'm pleased to hear that. But regardless, Naru brought us together. Yet another connection I've made because of him." She smiles stiffly. "I should be grateful to him."

"But," John says again. It seems to be the only word he's currently capable of producing, and he shakes himself. It shouldn't be this much of a shock. "You liked him, I thought."

"I did. I do, I suppose. But I've accepted that he's never going to reciprocate." She shifts in her seat, doesn't look at him. "He's fond of Mai. And they'll be good for each other."

"But you've never acted like you accepted it." Oh, dear, had that been less than tactful? Masako doesn't seem offended, though. She just sticks her chin out and says, "I may be aware of my defeat, but I don't have to take it lying down. I'm not going to make it easy for her."

"But you're not really interested."

"No. I know when to cut my losses." She shrugs. "It's still not very comfortable to think about, but I believe I've moved on. Someone very important to me helped a lot with that."

"Who?" John says. "Mai?"

She snorts. "Honestly, are you that naïve?"

"What?"

"_John_."

He just stares at her, no idea who she is talking about. Maybe someone not in the SPR? She must have friends outside the team, surely.

Masako rolls her eyes and sighs. "I'm talking about you."

"...oh." This time he succeeds in keeping his jaw from dropping, but only just. "I'm really glad that I could help."

"It was very kind of you," she says.

"You are my friend," he says. "It's just what a friend does, isn't it? Listen to you and tries to help?"

Masako drops her eyes and the amusement disappears from her voice. "Yes," she says. "I suppose they do."

"Is something wrong?" He reaches over to pat her on the shoulder without thinking, and she jerks back.

"You really are that naïve," she says.

"I don't understand." He seems to be missing half this conversation, like whenever he gets a grip on what's happening it slips away. John wishes he was better at this, but although he's fairly good at understanding people's body language and reading what they're feeling, he seems incapable of puzzling out what it means. What isn't she telling him?

"I did say you were very important to me, and that you helped me get over Naru." She looks expectantly at him.

"Yes," he says.

"I think it started when you insisted on helping me bring the groceries home. I don't think anyone has ever done that for me. I don't think Naru would. Actually, maybe it really started back at the hospital, because I kept thinking Naru would never do that, either." She shakes her head. "I didn't realize it till then, though."

"Realize what?"

"I've given up on Naru, but...not on you..." Her voice shrinks away to a tiny whisper near the end of the sentence, and he barely catches it. Takes a second to sink in, too.

When it does, though...

After a couple of seconds, she asks, "Are you all right?"

Somehow me managed to find his tongue, not having swallowed it as he thought he might.

"Yes," he says.

"I'm sorry to dump this on you."

"It's okay. I'm glad you told me."

"I did do some reading. I know priests can't... I mean, I know the kind of vows you have to take."

"Yes," he says, knowing his tone is getting harsh, but he can't seem to moderate it even though he wants to. She curls up in on herself, feet tucking under her and arms retreating into her sleeves.

"It's just," she says, "that I thought you felt something, too."

"What?" And again, he says this too harshly, wincing himself as he hears how his voice sounds. His emotional filters seem to have been stripped away and with them, his vocal ones. Masako flinches and stares resolutely at his feet.

"I know," she says. "It just seemed that you were going out of your way to help me, and you don't seem to do that for any of the others. I expect I was just imagining it." She scrubs at her eyes briefly, and he realizes she's crying. The knowledge wakes up something inside him and seems to break down some kind of dam in his head. Yes, he's definitely been in denial.

"You're right," John tells Masako, and she looks up sharply, eyes still full of tears.

"I do go out of my way, more for you than for anyone else. I think I probably like you more than I should." He runs his hands through his hair, and smiles wearily. "I can't do anything about it, though. I'm sorry. You should move on."

She shakes her head wordlessly.

"Masako, you know I can't."

"I know."

"It'll only hurt you."

"I know. And we should probably stop seeing each other. It would be easier for you."

"But not for you?"

"No," she says. "I like spending time with you. Regardless of the reasons."

"I think I can manage that."

There are several minutes of silence.

"I can't promise anything – " he begins.

"I know," she says quickly. "I'm not asking you to."

"But I'm going to pray about this," he continues.

Masako's eyes widened. "Okay," she says, unfolding herself, corners of her mouth turning up.

And he smiles back in return. Who knows what God has in store?

The future is a question that doesn't need an answer quite yet.


End file.
